May 5, 2018.
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” -Isaiah 43:18-19
Today, I choose to jump.
Today, I choose to let go of what has held me down.
Today, I choose to see myself as how God has made me to be.
Beloved, cherished, wanted.
I have finally come to the realization that the only way out is to jump: to forgive totally.
It has taken me longer than I would have liked, but the pain cut deep and I was sure forgiveness was impossible.
But God intervened, and reminded me of what weighed me down.
Even more important than that, He reminded me that what weighed me down was one of His children too.
Also beloved, cherished, and wanted.
I am sorry I lost sight of that.
I forgive you today, and I forgive myself.
Holding on has hindered. But today, I will no longer let it.
We are free, we are redeemed, I jump.
March 5, 2018.
An easy word to say, not such an easy word to live out.
The thing with human beings is that we are incredibly, beautifully flawed. We are also so very unique and different in our own ways. Sometimes we are able to find others who are weirdly flawed in the same ways as us and we make them a part of our own personal tribe of friends.
Then life happens.
There are ups and downs and you support each other
through the good and the bad. You love each other through the break ups, the miscarriages, the divorces, the job losses, the health declines, the loss of loved ones. You rejoice with each other through the weddings, the birth of babies, the buying of new homes, the new jobs, the remissions, and the opportunities.
We spend so much of our time and energy with these people. So when something happens and they no longer are a part of tribe, it can deeply wound us.
Forgiveness seems like an impossible and nasty word when it comes to YOU having to be the one to give it to another.
But it truly is like setting yourself free when you are able to overcome your own pride and pain, and are able to forgive that person for whatever it is that brought this whole thing on.
I think the hardest thing about forgiveness is that people often do not understand what it means to forgive. When you forgive, you are not giving that person a “get out of jail free card”. They have done what they’ve done and the past cannot be changed. Forgiveness is saying I recognize what you have done, I no longer will allow my anger/pain from it to take over my soul, and I free myself and you from these thoughts because I am at peace.
Who are you holding hostage in your mind that you need to set free?
If we are being honest here, it is not the other person who is necessarily being held like a prisoner…it is yourself.
Find a way to live out that forgiveness, and be free.
God never intended for us to live a life as a prisoner of our own minds—set yourself free from that which holds you down.
February 5, 2018.
“You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.”-Song of Soloman 4:7
In 2016, I wrote a post about how I was a survivor of spousal abuse.
I received so many messages from friends, family, and my fellow bloggers about the post. It was a hard one to write, because this is not a fun thing to talk about.
But it is a post I hold near and dear to my heart, and I am glad I shared it.
Because I am not alone.
We are the fighters. We are the ones that cannot be silenced. We are the ones who make people see those for who they truly are.
Though the world may not ever understand the struggles we face and will continue to face-we know.
They try to tear us down. They try to quiet us. They try to make us feel as though we are not enough.
But we refuse to accept those notions.
Not I. Not us.
“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.” from 2 Timothy 1:7 reminds us that God made us to be strong.
Be strong. Be feisty. Be powerful.
Be who God made you to be-not who that person claimed you were.
November 22, 2017.
“The righteous shall move onward and forward; those with pure hearts shall become stronger and stronger.”-Job 17:9
Why is it so hard to let go of people?
They choose to walk out of our lives. Or do something that requires us to walk out of theirs. Or we realize the relationship is totally toxic so we have to try to get out now before it destroys the both of us.
Letting go may be necessary, but it’s not easy.
I remember hearing a sermon once that had to do with purity. The person explained that having sex with someone was like gluing two pieces of wood together. When it’s not your spouse and you break up, it’s like pulling those two pieces apart. You may be able to separate them, but those two pieces will never be the same again. They may have pieces of one another stuck to each other and they are left forever changed.
That sermon reminds me very much of what it is like to lose a friendship as well.
You get to know each other well and become “stuck together like glue” and when the friendship ends, the two of you are both left scarred. Left with the memories of your time spent together, and the longer the friendship-the greater the damage.
This is why letting go is hard. You’ve got pieces of them stuck in your heart, and that is incredibly painful.
But, God. But, Grace.
He heals all wounds, and as that sermon explained to me, He’s got a sander.
He sands down the extra pieces so that we can live without the constant reminder of the pain. He sands it down so we can let go and heal.
It does not mean that we go back to being the exact same person we were before-we’ve been broken and sanded down, and due to do that we will be forever changed. Though now, it does not hurt as bad.
I thank God for His Grace because trying to let go of certain friendships/relationships has been so hard.
But, thanks to God I think I’m finally ready to let go.
August 10, 2017.
” ‘For I know the plans I have for YOU,’ declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.’ ” -Jeremiah 29:11
Being told that you are a piece of crap really can make you feel like a piece of crap, you know?
I remember being with someone who told me that he did not like that I did not pray aloud. That I did not serve in the church. That I did not run around like a chicken with my head cut off doing Bible studies and volunteering for the church. He was disappointed that I did not openly share and show my faith.
& it killed me. What killed me even more was knowing that later on, I had done the same thing to others.
When you are new into loving Jesus and learning about Him, you usually do not jump right into praying over people. Serving in church is awesome, but it is not required. It also certainly is not necessary to keep yourself busy running/attending a bunch of different Bible studies.
So to be told that you are not good enough as soon as you are interested in just who Jesus is and His abounding love for us, well it just plan sucks. It makes you feel crappy and unworthy.
Which is so incredibly far from the truth of Christ is. We are unworthy, yet He loves us so much despite it all.
To Him, we are so, so, so worthy.
It took me some time to realize that the person’s words were not God’s words. God allowed me to grow in my own time. He showed me how to love deeper and be brave.
Words that say you are not enough are not words from God.
Whether you are brand new, and not really sure what is going on (been there) or are deep into your relationship with Christ but just have kind of lost yourself and your purpose for a while (definitely been there), remember that you are not expected to have it all together. It is okay.
God does not rush us to do things we are not ready for. If anything, it is honestly the devil’s doing if we feel we are being pushed too much, too soon. He knows we will rush into something for God, not be ready, hate it, and resent Him.
Follow your heart. Even if others cannot understand and try to make you feel awful. Our journeys may be different but He loves us all the same no matter where we may be in our faith. ❤
August 4, 2017.
Then He adds: “Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more.”-Hebrews 10:17
Often, we think about forgiveness as us needing to forgive others or wishing others would forgive us.
Though, what about when we really need to forgive ourselves for the things we have allowed to happen? The things that have hurt us. The things that are our own faults.
We are usually hardest on ourselves.
But I have a hard time believing that God only wants us to forgive others. He wants us to forgive ourselves too.
When we live with hate in our hearts, especially for ourselves, it eats away at us. It tears us further and further from God. It also kills relationships that we have with others.
If you are struggling with this today, remember this: You are loved.
God loves you too much to watch you hate yourself and not be able to forgive and let go of the things you have allowed in the past.
Let go, y’all.
Free yourself of the prison you have locked yourself in.
Walk out and be free. You were never meant to stay in that place.