When September Ends.

“But you, Lord, are a compassionate and generous God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.”-Psalm 86:15

I’ve been absent from the blog for about two weeks. Mainly because life has been crazy and I didn’t know how to explain it in words.

From a hurricane, to a water heater leak (mold=yuck), to people being horrible, to friends experiencing extreme loss, to so many other things I don’t wish to even think about. It’s been a difficult month. The worst part was last week when my dog had to have emergency surgery.

He’s okay and is recovering now (which has been in of itself harder than I ever thought it’d be). But this month has changed who I am as a person.

The events have pushed me to painful places that I wish to never visit again. Places where I found myself feeling as if I were drowning and was afraid that God would not show up in time to save me.

But every single time, when I was at the very end of my rope and no longer could go on any further, He made himself known. He picked me up and made me stronger than I ever felt possible.

It’s an insane feeling of peace that is hard to explain, but it exists. I know because I have lived it in some of the deepest, darkest moments of life.

September. You were meant to destroy me. To pull me away from God and isolate me until I could take it no longer and broke.

But thankfully, love is stronger than hate. God can pull us out of your most desolate of places and remind us where we truly belong and who we truly are despite our circumstances.

I’m thankful for the God who directs the winds and waves but still cares about a heart like mine.


Gives and Takes.

“Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.”-Psalm 37:4

I still remember what it felt like to walk into the house of my dreams.

The realtor took me to look at it and not even 2 minutes into the tour I told him I wanted to put an offer in for it right then and there. It was a hot market and homes were going fast. 

It had everything: great floorplan, two car garage, new roof, new air conditioning unit, big fenced in backyard, no one to the right or behind and a pond across the street. Seriously this place was my dream. 

We heard the next day that they took someone else’s offer and just like that my dream house was gone. I remember feeling crushed. Buying a house in this market is rough!

But life went on.

I looked at other homes which did not pan out.

Then I saw…the one. One I’d never have pictured myself in. The smallest (and cheapest) one I’d seen with the most breathtaking backyard. The one sold by Jesus loving people who made the home feel full of Jesus’ love. 

I met the one because I lost what I thought had been “the one”.

My life is richer and more full because of this little brick I now own. It wasn’t my dream house but it’s more than I ever could have asked for, it’s my home.

God does not give us want we want. He gives us exactly what we need.

I drive by that former dream house often and I know longer feel sadness but thankfulness.

Thank you to the God who lovingly gives and takes away.


The Mighty Hand.

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you,  casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.”-1 Peter 5:6-7


Forth As Gold is based in south Florida.

As one of the most powerful storms ever recorded in the Atlantic heads straight for our state, I cannot help but think back to 2004 when two other major hurricanes hit us dead on.  Hurricane Frances rocked our world and then as we were still trying to recover, Hurricane Jeanne did a loopty-loop out in the ocean and came straight for us again.

I remember so much about that time.  I remember coming home (we stayed at a friend’s house in town during the first storm) and seeing our house look like a tornado had hit it.  I remember my mother groaning as she walked into the house and we could smell and feel the water that had flooded in.  I remember how hot and sticky it was because we were out of power for two weeks (which I am pretty sure is a small inkling of how hell would be).  I remember having to shower with the hose and when we got a generator finally and almost cried tears of joy. I remember eating MRE’s and being on a city curfew.  I remember being out of school for almost a month and just feeling like I had lost a part of who I was.  I remember living on concrete floors until Christmas Eve that year and feeling having blue tarps on our roof until I don’t even remember when. I remember my parents saying how lucky we were that we were alive and still had a shell of a home to live in.

I remember, more than anything, the sound a hurricane makes when it comes through. The best way to describe it is a train going at full speed right in front of your face and it does not slow down for a very long time.

So, when I think about yet another hurricane coming, especially this one , I would be lying if I said I was not afraid.  Thinking back to 2004 gives me chills. This current storm is 2 times stronger and bigger than those and at this point it has been moving so much between the west and east coasts of Florida that they still cannot truly nail down a landfall point yet and that is scary. Even if it does not hit where we are, someone else will and it will be catastrophic.  Even those who do not get the straight on him will feel it immensely and that is scary too.

The Caribbean Islands have been destroyed by this monster already and have left many homeless and the others dead.

So where is God in all of this. 

Where was he is 2004? Where was he in Houston this year? Where is he now?

He’s here.

There is sin in this world. The wicked one is constantly trying to make us believe that God does not love us and does not care for us, but that is about as far from the truth as one could imagine. He loves us and He is here even when it seems like He isn’t.

When I feel overwhelmed (like right now), I watch this video on repeat and it encourages me and reminds me that God is sovereign even on the worst days.

I pray that wherever you are, if you are in Florida or the Caribbean or Texas or Mexico or anywhere in the world that you will never forget that ever-present, never-changing love that God has for you even in the most horrific of circumstances.

The mighty hand of God and His love for us is stronger than anything else in the universe.



“For indeed we have had good news preached to us, just as they also; but the word they heard did not profit them, because it was not united by faith in those who heard.”-Hebrews 4:2

I am a former atheist. 

I have it written on my Instagram bio and many people have asked me about it.

I think they ask because it’s weird to have someone who does not believe in anything to suddenly believe in God and live for Him like crazy. It’s even weirder because I have faked being a believer most of my life. 

My parents baptized me a young age in the Christian faith. They taught me to pray before I ate and before I went to bed at night. I went to youth groups and sang worship songs to try and fit in.

But that was all a lie. I didn’t believe in any of it. Praying to God I didn’t believe existed…silly right?

I didn’t believe anything existed beyond this world. I knew that if there was anything out there who loved me like people said that God did then the world wouldn’t be this bad. I wouldn’t feel such huge pain. 


I. Was. Wrong.

There is a God. A true, one, Living God of the universe who loves me more than words can say. 

I was wrong, but I don’t feel annoyance toward those who haven’t seen what I have seen and still feel the way I did before. 

I think atheists get a bad rap. That they’re mean people who have negative outlooks on life and live sad, empty lives. But that’s not true either.

Atheists (and Christians too) come in all shapes, sizes, and have different opinions. 

More importantly, God loves atheists as much as He loves those who love Him back. 

& if we are thinking any differently…we need to get some prayer time in. 

Love God, love others. The end.

Former Atheist,