“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on the wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”-Isaiah 40:31
But that would be a lie.
I have chosen to put myself in some horrific situations. Situations I would never wish anyone to be in. I did this all because I desperately sought out love (and I still do).
I remember laying in a bed at 2 am with a person laying beside me who I had come to despise.
& all I could think is how could this be it? How has my life become this? Why have I chosen to let this relationship ruin my life?
So the next morning I ended it. I was free. It hurt and felt amazing all at the same time.
I’d also like to tell you that it was the last time I put myself in a bad situation…
But that’d be a lie.
Most of my life has been that way. Broken relationship after broken relationship. Relationships that I chose.
I did not find the man of my dreams in high school. I did not find him in college. I didn’t find him right out college. I didn’t find him at church. I didn’t find him organically.
I have not settled down and gotten married and had kids yet.
I chose a different (dare I say, more crazy) route.
& THAT IS OKAY.
He loves me despite my horrible choices. He picks me up and dusts me off every time I falter. He reminds me that the only relationship that will ever define me is the one I have with Him.
For someone who once laid awake in that bed at 2 am, this statement changes everything.
The past has no control over me, because I am too busy thinking about my future.
The Healer of all has chosen to have a relationship with me. One that will never leave me heartbroken.
Thank you God for loving this incredible mess of a person I am and giving me more chances than I deserve.