George.

“This God—his way is perfect; the word of the Lord proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him.”-Psalm 18:30

Photo by SJ Photography


My mom is obsessed with this old movie from the 40s called “Its A Wonderful Life.” She watches it a lot during the month of December and cries.  

The main character falls on really hard times and gets to a point where he is ready to end his life. 

Until his guardian angel steps in. The man says everyone would be better off without him. So his guardian angel takes him back through his life and shows him the huge negative impact there would have been if he had never been born. 

In the end, he chooses life and realizes that even though we will have troubles, it is still truly a wonderful life.

Sometimes, it is hard to remember that life is beautiful.

We get tangled in a web of lies that tell us we are unworthy. That remind us of the problems we cause. That make us feel that life isn’t worth living.

But it is yall.

Life is beautiful and wild and crazy and worth it.

God put us here for an incredible reason even when it doesn’t feel like it.

When you feel like George Bailey, remind yourself of to whom you belong. God makes no mistakes!

-Kristin-

Just a Blog.

“Sing to the Lord, praise his name; proclaim his salvation day after day. Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples.” – Psalm 96: 2-3

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When I began this blog, that is all I ever expected it to be. Just a blog.

Though, it is not just a blog. Forth As Gold has been the vessel through which I have been able to share my faith, and allowed others to share in that as well. It has changed people. It has changed me. It has strengthened bonds, and broken some. It has been so much more than I ever planned it to be.

 

Because God has taken every piece of me and put it into words to share the story of His endless love for all of us.

 

Forth As Gold was created to share my profound love for a God who literally came to me on a highway to prove His existence and deep love for me.

 

It would mean I would have to be totally transparent. I would have to be honest. I would have to be open and vulnerable. I would have to tell it all. To open my closet of hidden sins to the world.

 

It has been so damn hard.

 

I cannot begin to explain the negativity and cruelty I have received about this over the year since Forth was created. >>>>>>>

 

I cannot begin to explain the joy and thankfulness I have received about this over the year since Forth was created. <<<<<<<

 

It’s a constant seesaw of emotions and sometimes it hurts. It hurts when people use your sins to make you feel unworthy of God’s love. It also hurts so good when you get to watch others get a taste of who Jesus is because of your boldness to speak.

 

When it becomes hard to speak out, I have to remind myself of the whole reason I do this to begin with.

 

22 year old me was on a path of destruction. She was angry, hurt, and lost. She didn’t think she had the strength to finish college. She couldn’t make it through the night without screaming into her pillow and sobbing until she was too weak to stay awake. She was depressed and broken.

 

The only thing that kept her alive was a tiny voice that she had never heard before. But during this time, it visited her often. It repeatedly said “it’s going to be okay” and sent whooshes of relief down her whole being. She didn’t know what it was but welcomed the moments of calm.

 

She found out whose voice that was on the day that Jesus Christ literally lit up her car driving down I95 and that tiny voice became a big one that said “I’ve always been here for you and I always will be.” It was Him. It’s always been Him. Life was never the same after that.

 

Ever since then, all I have wanted to do is share my incredible story of amazing love that overcomes all. Because you see, it’s not just my story. It is all of ours. He died on a cross to save ALL of us, and for that I am eternally grateful.

 

Thank you God that you believed in me even when I couldn’t believe in myself. Thank you for loving me even when I am hard to love. & thank you for turning Forth As Gold into something more than I ever could imagine.

 

Happy first birthday, Forth.

 

-Kristin

The Devil’s Doing.

” ‘For I know the plans I have for YOU,’ declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.’ ” -Jeremiah 29:11

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Being told that you are a piece of crap really can make you feel like a piece of crap, you know?

I remember being with someone who told me that he did not like that I did not pray aloud.  That I did not serve in the church. That I did not run around like a chicken with my head cut off doing Bible studies and volunteering for the church. He was disappointed that I did not openly share and show my faith.

& it killed me. What killed me even more was knowing that later on, I had done the same thing to others.

When you are new into loving Jesus and learning about Him, you usually do not jump right into praying over people. Serving in church is awesome, but it is not required. It also certainly is not necessary to keep yourself busy running/attending a bunch of different Bible studies.

So to be told that you are not good enough as soon as you are interested in just who Jesus is and His abounding love for us, well it just plan sucks. It makes you feel crappy and unworthy.

Which is so incredibly far from the truth of Christ is. We are unworthy, yet He loves us so much despite it all.

To Him, we are so, so, so worthy.

It took me some time to realize that the person’s words were not God’s words. God allowed me to grow in my own time. He showed me how to love deeper and be brave.

Words that say you are not enough are not words from God.

Whether you are brand new, and not really sure what is going on (been there) or are deep into your relationship with Christ but just have kind of lost yourself and your purpose for a while (definitely been there), remember that you are not expected to have it all together. It is okay.

God does not rush us to do things we are not ready for. If anything, it is honestly the devil’s doing if we feel we are being pushed too much, too soon. He knows we will rush into something for God, not be ready, hate it, and resent Him.

Follow your heart. Even if others cannot understand and try to make you feel awful.  Our journeys may be different but He loves us all the same no matter where we may be in our faith. ❤

-Kristin

 

2 AM.

“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on the wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”-Isaiah 40:31


I wish I could tell you that I’m great with relationships.

But that would be a lie.

I have chosen to put myself in some horrific situations. Situations I would never wish anyone to be in. I did this all because I desperately sought out love (and I still do).

I remember laying in a bed at 2 am with a person laying beside me who I had come to despise. 

& all I could think is how could this be it? How has my life become this? Why have I chosen to let this relationship ruin my life? 

So the next morning I ended it. I was free. It hurt and felt amazing all at the same time.

I’d also like to tell you that it was the last time I put myself in a bad situation…

But that’d be a lie.

Most of my life has been that way. Broken relationship after broken relationship. Relationships that I chose. 

I did not find the man of my dreams in high school. I did not find him in college. I didn’t find him right out college. I didn’t find him at church. I didn’t find him organically. 

I have not settled down and gotten married and had kids yet. 

I chose a different (dare I say, more crazy) route.

& THAT IS OKAY. 

Because Jesus.

He loves me despite my horrible choices. He picks me up and dusts me off every time I falter. He reminds me that the only relationship that will ever define me is the one I have with Him.

For someone who once laid awake in that bed at 2 am, this statement changes everything. 

The past has no control over me, because I am too busy thinking about my future. 

The Healer of all has chosen to have a relationship with me. One that will never leave me heartbroken. 

Thank you God for loving this incredible mess of a person I am and giving me more chances than I deserve.

-Kristin-