Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.-2 Corinthians 12:8-10

I prayed a prayer that was never answered…the way I wanted it to be answered.
I was a new believer and was in total belief that God would answer all my prayers.
I screamed and cried out to God. I begged for Him to help me in my conquest. I asked all those around me to pray for me.
I did a 24 hour fast (nothing but water and a little tea) in order to get focused on the Lord and my prayers. Which I had never ever done before. Talk about determined. I was convinced that my desire just HAD to be His will. If I prayed hard enough, it would happen. Why The thing I wanted seemed so good and pure and it just had to happen.
The only answer I got was “wait” so I waited and waited. And waited.
But, the waiting seemed to turn into “NO”. I could not understand why. Why had God denied me of something that was so great?!?! Why did God say no?
Like a child having a tantrum, I had a complete fit at God. I cried out WHY. Don’t you know this is what’s best for me?
If we’re being real here, it caused me to stumble. Big time.
I rebelled and did a lot of things I’m not proud of, out of just anger.
I missed out on a lot of GOOD things because I was so wrapped up in anger and heartbreak.
It took me a long time to realize that God isn’t a genie who grants wishes that I was calling “prayers”. He is not going to always give me what I want. He is going to give me what is best for me. & that is not always easy.
We’re going to go through the earthly version of hell sometimes. We’re going to feel lost. We’re going to feel like God has abandoned us and that he is ignoring our cries.
But He hasn’t.
He not only hears us, He responds. He reminds us that no matter whether we like His answer or not that He loves us and is there for us. That even when we rebel against Him, He loves us and still wants the best for us.
I think that is one of the hardest things for us to understand about God. Why does He love us even when we rebel? Why does He want us even though we ask for selfish wishes and get angry with Him when He doesn’t “grant” them? How could anyone ever feel this way for us, it must just be impossible.
But y’all it’s true.
He truly gives us what we need, even when we don’t want it and can’t see why at the moment. He loves us, for real, even when we’re not the best.
What a beautiful thing it is to be loved by the God of the Universe (P.S. that’s all of us, even you!!!!)

One thought on “Not-So-Perfect.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s