Drown My Fears.

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’There is no commandment greater than these.”-Mark 12:30-31

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This is a hard one for me to write. To put into words. To express what I have felt for so long.

 

Most of my Christian walk has been spent alone.

 

By alone, I mean for the most part, it has just been me and Jesus in this whole thing.

 

I come from a family of (mostly) non-believers, and in the last three years since becoming a lover of Jesus, I have spent my time in the church alone.

 

I drive myself to church, alone, on Sundays. I tend to sit alone in the pews.  Every holiday service, I am usually the only person who is by themselves in the church. & for a little while, it really really hurt.

 

Sure, I have been in life groups and have served and through that I have made some really awesome friends at my church.  But either we would go to different services, or they would not be able to come that time, etc so I would often end up by myself.

 

The first Christmas service alone was the hardest.  I remember the parking lot was filling up and we were having to wait in a long line so people were dropping their families off at the front of the building and I remember feeling a pain in my heart I had not felt for a while. One of loneliness and a reminder that I had no family to participate in this with me.

 

But I swallowed the pain, and went on inside by myself. I ended up having the most wonderful time and praised the Lord with those around me.  Even though I was there alone on Christmas Eve, God reminded me that I was never truly alone.

 

After a while of going in it alone, I really started to find peace and confidence in this.

 

I found myself more focused on talking to people I had never met before and being focused on the Lord and His message.  In my loneliness, I found so much more than I ever thought I would.

 

If you are feeling discouraged today, and lonely as you make the drive into the church parking lot along, I pray that you remember that with Christ we are never truly by ourselves.

 

I hope you find strength in your time with God.

 

I hope you see the joy God has when He sees you worshiping Him even when others do not choose to.

 

I hope you feel the love He has so freely given us, even in our hardest times.

 

-Kristin-

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