Not What I Asked For.

“The LORD your God in your midst, the Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17

It has been a trying time for me lately. It has been one of those times when new circumstances are triggering old memories that bring me great pain.

It has been hard to fight those negative feelings off, and really hard to keep reminding myself that those memories are just that: memories. 

They no longer are apart of my current life, yet they will always be ingrained in my head. Sometimes, it is hard to remember that you can still have memories, but they do not have to hold you captive.

I often think to myself that this is not what I asked for out of life.

I did not ask for pain caused by the hands and choices of others.

I did not ask for nightmares that were real.

I did not ask for my family to be torn apart.

I did not ask this.

But here I am. I went through all of the things I did not ask for. & I am surviving and thriving. 

Thank you Jesus, because I am a walking miracle. 

I think sometimes we need to be reminded of these painful times in order to remember how desperately we need God and His Grace.

That maybe we need the reminder as a reminder to be kind to others who are going through similar circumstances.
That possibly, God is bringing us through a storm of painful memories in order to show us how deep His love for us really is.

So, as a wrestle with these memories, I am going to try to remember myself that negative memories do not always have to bring pain.


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