“And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.”-Matthew 10:28-31
I am a survivor of spousal abuse.
It is something I do not usually openly speak to others about because it feels somewhat shameful and uncomfortable. It also feels weird because I have vowed not to slander his name anymore. The past is the past, and moving forward means forgiving and letting it go.
So I will not mention this person’s name, and I will not give any information out about him, because as bad as it was, no one deserves to have hatred from others. Especially from my words.
But, I will tell you this:
I have been emotionally beat down to the point where I truly believed that I could never do any better than this person.
I have been name-called, ridiculed, and put down by a person who claimed to love me.
I have been told that I am ugly, disgusting, and fat by a person I thought of so highly, that I developed a slight eating disorder from it that I still have to mentally fight it every day.
I have been taken advantage of physically by the person I loved, while tears filled my eyes.
I have had to ice my wrists from being held down to be screamed at relentlessly for things I had never done.
I went back to a cheater after he convinced me that it was MY fault why he had been unfaithful.
Then something happened. I woke up one day and realized that there had to be so much more to life than the miserable one I was living. One of control, degradation, and pain. So I walked away entirely from this person, and it was one of the best decisions I have ever made. I still had troubles with the aftermath of the break up and had to go through a lot of drama to get through it,but I will never regret the hardest/easiest decision I have made.
I think if I could say one thing out there to one person who is going through anything even remotely similar to the situation I wrote above: find a way out. Ask a friend, confide in a family member. Consult a professional. Do what you have to do to leave.
There is life beyond the box these people place us in. Do not continue to life your life in constant fear, always walking on eggshells.
If you are not in a situation similar to this, I thank God for that. But please pray for those who are currently living it or still have the emotional/physical trauma from it.
God did not make us to be fearful and controlled. Break free as you were made to be!
P.S. This post is dedicated to my friend Nora, who married the man of her dreams today and is a fellow survivor who chose to not allow her past to control her future. ❤