The Midnight Burden.

“Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”-Matthew 11:29-30

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It is way past this teacher’s bedtime, but I just cannot sleep.

I am bothered and uncomfortable.

I cannot understand why God has placed ME in these situations and circumstances.

He knows confrontation is hard because I do not like biting my tongue. He knows my heart struggles to forgive. He knows that I am a people pleaser and do not like going against the grain.

Yet, here I am. Again. In sticky situations that I have tried most of my life to stay out of.

I am bothered. But more than anything, I am feeling the pain.

The pain of being at odds with others is hard.

Do you know what it is like to love someone so deeply yet not be able to be at peace with them because of moral reasons? They are upset because you do not see things the way they do.  They do not believe you love them because of this.

I struggle with something so much, and I wish I could tell you what it is, but it is not my story to tell. I am just stuck in the horrible middle of it. But I have prayed and prayed and prayed…and God put on my heart that it is not my job to judge. Or to pick sides. It is my job to love all.

Not to swear and call people names. Not to ignore them. Not to hate them. Not to gossip.

But, wow. More easily said than done right?

I believe God knows what He’s doing. & that I have somehow wound up in the middle of situations I never thought I would be in (seemingly becoming a recurring thing) for a reason. But I do not believe I will ever understand that reason this side of Heaven, and that is torturous.

Today, at this moment, I choose to lay down the pain I have in my heart over all that has happened this year and the anger I have felt toward so many situations.

For I realize, it has never been my burden to carry.

-Kristin-

 

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