I was asked yesterday how I can still believe in God even though he did not answer my fervent prayers lately.
& it STUNG.
Can I be an honest Christian here and say it tore me apart that my cries to the Lord seemed to be unanswered? I didn’t say “thy will be done”. I didn’t say “I understand Lord.” I screamed out “WHY”. There have been so many times when my prayers seem to be #unanswered and it’s excruciating.
It’s difficult beyond words to pray so hard for something and feel like either God says “no” or that He is not listening at all. It is heartbreaking and almost feels surreal. Then the questions start to pop up: Where are you God? If you love me, why would you do this to myself and my family? Why are you breaking my heart?
I’d like to tell you that I have never said any of those questions….but I have, MANY times. I have screamed at God and shook my fist in absolute anger. I have spent nights on my floor crying those words out with tears streaming down my face.
It’s the worst to feel like God is not there, or is not listening.
BUT HE IS.
All I do know is that I serve the one, true God of the universe who gives and takes away for my benefit (even when it hurts). He has done more good for me than I could have ever imagined, even when I’m in the deepest, darkest valleys of life. Yes, I struggle, and sometimes I scream and cuss, and lose my mind because I do not understand why things are happening they way they are for myself and those around me. But I will always believe in Him and that he hears my cries even when it does not seem like it. Every time I think back on those difficult times, years later often, I see that the horrible (in my mind) things that happened were for the actually for the best.
I am not God, and I do not know why things happen the way they do. But I trust in Him to lead my life in the right direction better than I ever could. & I will continue to fervently pray because I know He answers all prayers in His own way, even if it is not what I asked for.